An Open Letter To A Person I Admire

This is an open letter to a person I admire. I will have small subliminal hints since I get ridiculed for admiring someone.  I'm usually quiet about who I admire and out myself. Is this normal?

Please excuse me, I am socially anxious.

I have never really spoken to a celebrity before. I don't want to come off as the crazy fan they'd dread.

I don't know how to go about things. I am not good a verbally expressing myself sometimes.  I really don't know how to start this letter/blog. It was easier for me to write this letter on my blog. 

This is me saying in a subliminal way how Undertale gave me the things I rarely/never had. I felt as though my 9th-10th grade year of high school was rough and my 6th-grade year of Jr. High was rough. 

 Or the memories the game brought back from the characters in the game. 

I've struggled to make friends due to my autism/ADHD when I was in jr. high/high school. ( Sorry don't mean to get too personal here. I know I am a weirdo stranger on the internet).

 The point is I struggled to make friends because I am different. I was hated because I am different by kids I never have seen or spoke to. I was always called names like stupid, retarded because I couldn't understand the other kids' ways of explaining things.  I even struggled to keep friends on my Facebook due to this. I honestly hate being different. I feel as though I lose friends left and right due to my depression/anxiety as well. When one friend left me due to my social anxiety, I explain my social anxiety here. I got so depressed as a result. I saw no point of making friends only for them to leave due to me being socially introverted. I also explained in the other article I linked an incident that led me to become a social introvert. I was like an introvert but through messages, texting. 

While deeply depressed because yet another friend left me, I decided to play Undertale on my YouTube channel to kick off my gaming channel ( in 2017 before I wanted to re-shoot my walkthrough a second time to give me an excuse to play the game again). 

Undertale cured my depression of people leaving me for a mental illness I never wanted.  *cough.* 

I don't know explicitly but when I started opening up about my depression/anxiety, I noticed people started leaving. 

I had come out about this(Undertale helping my select depression)  before on an Undertale Reddit and the people there were mature. I came out again in an Undertale group on Facebook and was attacked.

 Which leads me to keep my feelings in to avoid backlash, people thinking my feelings are silly, stupid. Maybe this letter is dumb, I don't know. 

In a weird way, Undertale gave me the friends I rarely had. I did have some good friends in school but I lost touch with them after they graduated and when I graduated and moved back to Chicago.

Now, here's the thing. While when I was in school I rarely had people who accepted me for who I am. Undertale gave me the acceptance I rarely had. An artist makes art of their own interpretation, people who make AUs tell their own story. People come up with their own theories about things in Undertale. In a way, where my differences got me hated at school, they're loved in the Undertale community. Game fandoms do like seeing variety from art to song covers etc.

 When Sans tells me in the game someone cares about me, It reminded me of when I was in the 9th grade and though so hard about ending it all, due to the constant bullying I faced. How my friends did everything they can to make sure I was alright. Sans was right, someone does care about me. Even if you don't think no one cares, someone somewhere does.

When Undyne tells Alphys that she doesn't have to lie about what she liked, that Undyne didn't really care about what Alphys liked. Kinda told me that I don't have to lie about what I watched on TV, liked. I don't have to watch something just for someone to like me. I had pretended to like soccer to get closer to a friend who does like the sport. I didn't have anyone tell me they don't care that I like X. That they don't like me because of X, that they like me because of Y.

After that message, Undyne gave I was like you know I like to watch shows from my childhood/teens years so what?

Undnye hates you at first. In A funny away Papyrus gets her to give you a chance. And she ends up liking you. Even though I was rarely given a chance at school. I was glad to be given one in such a wonderful game.

Despite Asgore's flaws, I sorta got the dad I never had from him. ( In Deltarune)

 When I shared a post to my Facebook that concerned some friends I met on a Sans page I run, someone felt worried and gathered everyone in a chat saying someone here is down about themselves and needed the other peeps. When Sponge Bob gets his driver's license is the day I'd ever have that happen with people I know personally since being out of school.

 No other game cured my select depression like Undertale did. I have also had some depressive episodes and the wonderful people I met on the Sans page came in and left some encouraging words. My so-called 'personal' friends just scroll past my posts.

 I am truly thankful that I was given a chance to experience what it's like to have true friends, from a video game. But a video game that gives people a special connection. This probably sounds weird, right? Undertale has inspired me to start making renders again. I make blender renders because I suck at drawing and 3D art seemed easier to learn in my book. Undertale inspired me to start cosplaying and I did a low budget Chara cosplay
I made this as a special thanks

If the game's creator sees this, I hope you make more content people can relate to like Undertale. Even if they don't feel the same way about (whichever) like they did with Undertale, maybe it will be a new connection. I'd like to thank ya for the wonderful game.

Again, sorry for getting personal. I know I am just a weird stranger on the internet. This may sound weird coming from this weird stranger, I hope you're pacing yourself with your content. I care. Don't want ya to take on more than you can handle and it's like a traffic jam trying to keep up. I hope you're doing Ok.

Anyways, good day, night, evening, whenever ya read this.


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